


Useless

by mythicait



Series: Sydrian Oneshots [2]
Category: Bloodlines Series - Richelle Mead
Genre: Alternate Scene, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon Rewrite, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, barely
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-10-27 13:36:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20761223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mythicait/pseuds/mythicait
Summary: Tumblr prompt: “I'm sorry I'm so useless.” for sydrianThis is a rewrite of the first spirit dream in Silver Shadows where Adrian first sees Sydney again after she got kidnapped by the Alchemists - because the angst could have been woooorse. I just got past this part in my SS reread and I’m dying. Also, it’s from her POV instead of his!Major spoilers for about halfway through Silver Shadows!





	Useless

I fell asleep slowly, as I always did now that the gas had been blocked. Still clinging to the hope that tonight would be the night Adrian found me.

And it was.

When the Getty Villa materialized around me, I almost couldn’t believe it. Spinning, I saw him on the other side of the fountain.

Adrian.

For several moments we just stared at each other. He hadn’t expected to reach me. Hungrily, I took in the sight of him. My Adrian. Still beautiful, but like me he was thinner and the black circles under his eyes broke my heart. My eyes traced over him until I caught his gaze. Tears filled his brilliant green eyes and I felt my breath catch.

“Adrian?” My voice broke and it was so quiet. But he heard me, because it was like the spell had been broken.

In true Adrian fashion, he bypassed the longer route and jumped straight into the fountain, making his way to me. I choked on a laugh but it died as he got closer to me. It had been _so long._ Months of darkness and isolation hit me at once and I couldn’t believe this was real. I was still stuck in that cold room, drugged and alone, and this was an illusion that my mind had created to save my soul.

Even so, I couldn’t tear my eyes away from him. He finally stood before me, dripping wet and less than a foot away. I don’t know who reached for whom first, but his arms were around me and mine were around him and I felt peace for the first time in what felt like forever. That was what finally convinced me he was real.

Burying my head in his chest, I allowed myself to cry for just a moment. Adrian held me tightly and I felt his lips on my forehead as he cradled me to him. He was saying my name, over and over again, like a prayer.

“Oh, Adrian. Where have you been?”

He looked tormented by the demons I knew plagued him these past weeks and months. I had been in hell but so had he. Since he was here, with me, I knew he had stopped taking his meds - had probably stopped the moment Eddie had found him. Which meant his mood swings were back and with me gone-

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry. I looked for a long time, every hour for weeks… but I couldn’t reach you.” His voice caught and I could feel him shake against me.

Pulling back slightly, I pushed against him until he sat on the edge of the fountain. Unable to stop touching him, I slid into his lap and wrapped my arms around his neck again. Threading my fingers through his hair, I leaned my forehead against his. “It’s not your fault, Adrian. They use some kind of gas to sedate us at night, so I haven’t been able to really sleep or dream.”

His eyes shone with pride. “But you figured out a way to stop it.”

“Of course I did,” I said with some of my old confidence, though I started shaking again with my next words. “I had to find you, but it’s been over a week since I stopped the gas and I- I wasn’t sure if you’d stopped looking…”

Adrian cupped the back of my neck and pulled me close for a fierce kiss. My breath left me as I felt everything around me crystallize, frozen in this moment as my world narrowed to him. I forgot the pain and the loneliness and the constant fear. All that mattered was him. Adrian. My guiding star and my touchstone in this prison.

When I felt his tears against my cheek, I pulled back. “Adrian?”

“Never. I would never stop looking for you. But… I slacked off. Lissa said she couldn’t help find you and I didn’t know what else to do. I followed every lead I could, but I’m not as smart as you and I couldn’t- I couldn’t handle it.” He threw a shaky smile at me, but I could see how much he hated telling me this, how much he hated himself right now. “I think this is the first time I’ve been sober in two weeks. I’m sorry I’m so useless, Sydney.”

How could I fault him for falling apart when I had looked at his face just that day and called him a creature of evil? Cradling his face in my hands, I kissed him softly. I tried to pour all of my love and regret into that kiss, wishing that we had followed one of our escape plans before and that neither of us had to be where we are now.

When I pulled back, I said quietly, “You’re not useless, Adrian. You found me now and that’s what matters. But what changed today?”

Adrian scoffed. “Believe it or not, it was the Russian god that knocked some sense into me. Well, him and…”

“You don’t have to tell me now, Adrian, it can wait until I’m- until I’m safe.”

Guilt still swam in his eyes but he swallowed and pushed it down. “You’re more important right now anyway. How are you? Do you know where you are?”

I disagreed with him on his first point but I summoned all of my Alchemist training to focus on answering his questions. And marveled again at the irony of defying them with the skills they gave me. “I don’t know exactly where we are, but I know it’s underground.” I told him as much as I could remember about what would help find me - including the fact that Keith was a possible lead.

After we discussed that option, he was quiet for a moment. “You didn’t answer my other question. How are you?”

I couldn’t tell him the truth, not without breaking down. I didn’t know if I would ever be able to talk about my time in the darkness and I never wanted to tell him about my session this afternoon when Sheridan had burned me until I said he was evil. So I pushed the memories as far down as I could and focused on Adrian instead. On his eyes and his concern and his love for me.

“I’m fine. I can handle it and there are others here with me. I’ve been trying to make allies and keep my head down.”

He didn’t believe me, I know he didn’t. But he didn’t push to know more, just drew me closer and rested his head on my chest. We sat there for several moments, holding each other and trying to make up for the months we had spent without this.

When I felt the edges of the dream blur, I knew our time was up. I kissed him again, knowing my desperation was bleeding through as I breathed him in. “You’ll find me again tomorrow night?”

“And every night after that until we break you out. Is this your normal sleeping time?”

I nodded. “I love you, Adrian.”

“I love you too.”

I woke to my shared cell and Adrian was gone.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading, kudos, and especially commenting!
> 
> Feel free to visit me on tumblr @myfeyrelady!


End file.
